I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
