I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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