OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
