I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
