it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
