Define "chronic" masturbator.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
