i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
