I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Say something about gay babies.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
