Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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