did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Damn victory sex feels great
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
