i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
