Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
