oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
