Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
