ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
