I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
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