absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
