is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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