Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
