I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
