Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just want to make out with him forever
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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