Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Randomize
