how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
