she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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