I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
