i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
