all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
