When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
sex in a hospital.. check
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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