I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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