In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
