his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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