I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
