yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
