New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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