Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
