Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
