First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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