vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
