Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
