Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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