you turned your livingroom into a bong?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
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