When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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