Sober January is a disaster.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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