Tell her she can't have a vagina
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
