He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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