My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
