Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
