Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
