It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
