So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
