i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
