Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
