Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
